My other car is a shopping cart

On a recent expedition to fill the pantry one last time, I discovered that I had not entirely exhausted my mobile bum possibilities. America is a country on the go, and I see no reason why the more stylish homeless shouldn't have a dependable means of transport - let me introduce you to to the Lean, Green Bum Machine.

The XTI27 has a maximum speed of 4 MPH, and a range of 40 miles on a single charge. Just the thing for a run to Great Adventure; of course, it would be a leisurely 8-hour drive, but what good is bum-liness if you can't stop and smell the roses? With an MSRP of $2,400,  we're entering the felony phase of hardcore homelessness, but three squares and a bed gratis make for an acceptable option for settling in for the winter.

The 27 has a load capacity of  750 pounds, leaving a huge 550 cargo capacity... but with very little space to store it. The all-metal frame allows for ample modification, however - I'm thinking an overhead awning with a Yamika Rocketbox for an all-weather solution to sidewalk sailing.

The main problem with the "Mart Cart" is the pathetic factory front wheels. Barely an inch in radius, the drag coefficient on anything but the most even surfaces is atrocious. Fortunately, with rear-wheel drive,  the free-wheeling front can be modified easily to accept more agile replacements. The main problem with this is that the square frame would severely limit the turning radius using any wheels that extend above the frame. I may need to install some pneumatic lifters...

Weight distribution is also a problem. I was thinking about a rumble seat, to pick up some homeless honeys along the way, but the XTIs are engineered for weight towards the front. And the basket has to stay: that's where my stuff goes. I guess I'll just have to settle for more porn on my Ipod.