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Every now and then, I figure I need to center on the purpose of this great enterprise - finding a job for Bob.

With a BS degree in Marketing and an AS in Business Administration, my work experience for nearly two decades had been tied to technology. I began with corporate sales of systems and software in 1990, moving into networking and large-scale systems sales for K-12 school systems on the west coast in 1994. In 1997, I became the creator and webmaster for the Burlington County Times - the first news website in South Jersey.

After getting the system up and running, I maintained a staff of four while moving to the next step - the creation of the regional news website, Phillyburbs.com. Phillyburbs incorporated my site and two other Calkins properties under one roof, which allowed us to use our man-hours more effectively; while the webmasters of the other two sites continued to maintain the site, I moved on to creating special content sections - the first news website in the country to create web-exclusive content.

Creating these sections required me to create the entirety of a site - from the shtml pages to the navigation design, graphics, includes, images and written content. These vertical sections initially outstripped the page views of the fledgling news site content by more than 200%, garnering reviews and kudos by the Newspaper Association of America, Yahoo Internet Life magazine and site reviewers from ten different countries. As the site grew to maturity, my vertical sections maintained a 20% share of total viewership during their release months.

In addition to my duties as special sections editor, I maintained a weekly column, daily blog, and handled the duties of both news and sports editor as needed.

It was fun while it lasted. Newspapers crumbled, and costs were cut - "No Heavy Lifting" became the watchword of the day, and a web-only content creator became a luxury Phillyburbs could no longer afford. They gathered their content from the news bullpen and free advertorial content, and I gathered unemployment.

With a decade of experience in online news, I've handled a variety of Content Management Systems,  Webtrends traffic analysis software, Search Engine Optimization, FTP (naturally), Adobe Creative Suite and Microsoft Office software. I have practical experience with Joomla, video editing, and design mockup. I can build computer systems from component parts, administer small networks, and troubleshoot software and hardware. I have degrees in Business Administration and Marketing.

Next week, I start work as a janitor, to attempt to keep a roof over my head.

Bob Needs Job. Tell your friends and HR people - $15 dollars an hour gets all this, and a $2.00 raise for me.

My other car is a shopping cart

On a recent expedition to fill the pantry one last time, I discovered that I had not entirely exhausted my mobile bum possibilities. America is a country on the go, and I see no reason why the more stylish homeless shouldn't have a dependable means of transport - let me introduce you to to the Lean, Green Bum Machine.

The XTI27 has a maximum speed of 4 MPH, and a range of 40 miles on a single charge. Just the thing for a run to Great Adventure; of course, it would be a leisurely 8-hour drive, but what good is bum-liness if you can't stop and smell the roses? With an MSRP of $2,400,  we're entering the felony phase of hardcore homelessness, but three squares and a bed gratis make for an acceptable option for settling in for the winter.

The 27 has a load capacity of  750 pounds, leaving a huge 550 cargo capacity... but with very little space to store it. The all-metal frame allows for ample modification, however - I'm thinking an overhead awning with a Yamika Rocketbox for an all-weather solution to sidewalk sailing.

The main problem with the "Mart Cart" is the pathetic factory front wheels. Barely an inch in radius, the drag coefficient on anything but the most even surfaces is atrocious. Fortunately, with rear-wheel drive,  the free-wheeling front can be modified easily to accept more agile replacements. The main problem with this is that the square frame would severely limit the turning radius using any wheels that extend above the frame. I may need to install some pneumatic lifters...

Weight distribution is also a problem. I was thinking about a rumble seat, to pick up some homeless honeys along the way, but the XTIs are engineered for weight towards the front. And the basket has to stay: that's where my stuff goes. I guess I'll just have to settle for more porn on my Ipod.