Bum Tech

Hobos, scavengers, tramps and moochers have been a constant in human history; I feel fortunate to have entered the field in the 21st century, the first period in which the well-prepared down-and-outer can share most of the luxuries of the gentry. Let me give you a run-down of my gear list.

1) A Handheld Global Positioning System. First and foremost in my arsenal, a handheld GPS solves one of the most difficult dilemmas of life-on-the-hoof: safe storage. With a few dollars invested in Home Depot paint cans and a collapsible shovel, a network of waterproof supply depots can be buried in the night, unseen by man, secured from jealous contemporaries, protected from the weather and instantly retrievable with the coordinates stored within its electronic guts. The idea using several billion dollars worth of satellite technology to find a fresh change of underwear and a Playstation Portable amuses me no end.

The next time you see a raggedy man wheeling down the highway, you can wonder - is he just shambling aimlessly, or heading off to a secret stash of Oreos and Speed Stick?

2) Rechargeable Batteries and Back-Up Power Supplies.  America runs on electricity, and today's hobo need not be Luddite. A covert rendezvous with an outside power socket can yield days worth of juice for anything from a flashlight to a laptop. The well-packed tramp should not be without a power strip, appropriate chargers and a brace of batteries.

Beyond batteries, technology's latest boon to the bum includes the portable power supply, capable of charging devices with USB power connections and the ability to directly power AC devices for a limited time. If I must huddle under a bridge, I refuse to do so without my Ipod, portable DVD player and transistor radio.

3) Wifi Internet. Every house on every street is bleeding free Internet for the tech-savvy homeless. Cracking a WEP-protected network is not difficult, and even WPA will fall given the proper onboard tools and some patience. Keep up with your email, check your stock portfolio, start arguments on 4chan - the world is yours from the comfort of a sheltering brace of bushes or the haven of a carelessly unlocked domestic shed.

4) A Digital Trunking Handheld Scanner. Living life on the lam means that the roofed residents and local constabulary are not fond of you. Avoiding legal entanglements is easier if you are not where the police are, or where they intend to be. A capable Uniden scanner with the local trunk monitored keeps you informed and ahead of your friendly neighborhood peacekeeper.

5) A Cell Phone. An interesting but vital piece of trivia: cell phones without plans or subscriptions can still contact emergency services. This can come in extremely handy for those most likely to suffer calamity with no normal means of summoning aid. And, of course, during quiet moments you can indulge in a few games of teeny tiny PacMan.

6) Crank Flashlight/Radio/Charger. The Swiss army knife of vagrant living, one never needs to be in the dark, out of touch or out of power with one of these babies at the ready. One of the most galling aspects of homelessness (after frostbite, exposure, starvation and heat stroke) is isolation. With minimal effort, you can pass the night listening to college radio, while considering the practical applications of Camus' "The Stranger." Living grubby doesn't mean you need to be uncultured.